I met Bryan online. I don’t even think we had a phone conversation, we just realized we had a lot in common (boats, water, travel, adventure) and spontaneously made a date to meet.
We met at a coffee shop. My first thought was how tall and handsome he was. Then I realized he wasn’t saying anything (or not much, at least, compared to me) and I had to fill the empty spaces where his words should have been.
How is this going to work? I thought.
Then he told me his online dating rule is to spend 20 minutes together. "After 20 minutes, I will have learned enough and should leave if I want to". A very practical approach to online dating, for sure. Not very romantic sounding, but ok...
After the 20 minutes went by, he asked me if I wanted to hang out longer and I said sure. After all, we now had a slight banter going and seemed to be hitting it off. (it helped a lot that there was a rather flamboyant man to my left who filled our gaps in conversation. How bad could this be?!
I could already tell he was an honest, caring, upstanding man. So, when he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride in his car and he assured me I was safe in his hands…well, I agreed.
We walked somewhat awkwardly around the corner to his car, and there was this
gorgeous convertible…he walked to my side and opened my door. He was
handsome, cool, fun and a gentleman. Niiiice! :) I felt right at home with Bryan.
It was the evening now and there was a playful energy in the air, the convertible's top was down, and the wind was blowing through my hair. We felt free together and the wide-open starry night sky was so romantic. We smiled! Well…I had a
huge-ass grin on my face and the corners of his mouth were...at least slightly upturned.
And so it was. The love affair between 2 Oranges began.
Bryan and I discovered that we both love spontaneous adventure; riding on his motorcycle and flying by the seat of our pants without a plan or an agenda. That should be all we need, right? What could go wrong?
Ok, Let’s come down out of the stars for a minute. I’ll tell you what I mean when I talk about Oranges. In fact, I'd like to explain Colours.
You see, there are 4 main personality types:
● The high energy, high action, wild child ORANGE;
● The aloof, hardworking, analytical GREEN;
● The often serious, practical, and dependable GOLD;
● and the warm, loves to talk, relationship oriented BLUE
the thing is that we are ALL a blend of these 4 personality types, so it can be so easy to find something in common and fall in love. But how much do you have in common? What is his Primary Colour? What is yours? What if...his primary personality Colour is YOUR palest Colour? Or vice versa?
BY THE WAY: Each Colour has different needs, values and drives. They analyze, conceptualize, learn and understand differently. THIS IS A FACT.
What can you do if you are not compatible based on your primary personality styles? How will you provide for each other’s needs if you are not hard wired to do so naturally? Can you learn these skills? Are you willing? Is your partner?
Let’s get back to Bryan:
It turns out, in addition to being a high Orange personality, Bryan also has a high amount of Green. Ahh, so that is why he was so quiet at first. He was thinking carefully about his every move so as to bring his best self to the table. High Green personalities are often in their heads, analyzing situations and themselves, not wanting to appear less than perfect. Greens tend to be more on the introverted side too. They don’t enjoy much small talk and always need time to process information before making a decision. Everything was all starting to make sense.
Well, I’m sure we can figure this out. No problem!...NOT!
After a couple of weeks of fast and furious dating and having fun with the Orange side of myself, my Blue secondary Colour started to shine through more and more. Snuggling, kissing, holding hands, talking, talking, talking, romance, eye contact…Until…
Bryan’s like WHAT? You want to have ANOTHER talk?!!?? And you need more time and attention? NO WAY! (Blue is one of Bryan's palest personality Colours)
I started crying and stomping my little feet (a lot of drama for a Green) “…well this just isn’t going to work then!” This is who I am. I need to connect and feel connected to you…and he said exasperated “We are connected! I feel just fine. It is only you who has a problem”.
You see, the Green side of him felt connected just by being in the same room with me. He had no need for talking, dates, or displays of romance. He was happy and falling in love and had no need to express it with words.
Well - Boo Hoo! :( I make decisions from my heart, he makes decisions from his head. Hmpf!!
Now I guess things are getting complicated…
Typically, this is where the train goes off the tracks. We didn’t understand each other’s behaviours and we didn’t know how to naturally look after each other’s needs. Without the knowledge of human behaviour that comes with understanding the different personality temperaments, it is easier to go apart than to stay together BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!
But the question is, why bother doing all the work to understand this stuff? Shouldn’t a good relationship just be easy?
After All, Bryan was happy the way he was…and I was happy the way I was…We could be happy as individuals, but, i know that we CAN BE HAPPIER together.
My Blue side thrives on connection, good communication and tenderness, and I will find him cold, aloof, distant, and unloving. But is that real or just the negative perceptions I have of him? We make wrong what we don’t understand. We judge what is different from us. I'm not exempt from that.
We are not a slave to our personality traits though. We are always able to adjust and reduce our primary Colour or ramp up our palest personalities, if we want to. But do you want to? Is it worth it to you?
Let me tell you a secret: This ability to understand the different personalities is the key to success in all relationships and all areas of life; not just romance.
With this tool in hand, Bryan and I are transforming our relationship. We are well aware of our commonalities and blind spots, what each other truly values, and how we are driven to be who we are.
I now work to minimize the small talk and give Bryan the space he needs to process his thoughts and feelings and be independent. I understand and accept his way of loving me, and see him as my strong, smart, calm provider and protector now. With this deeper understanding of the Green personality, I connect better with my Green clients, friends, and family, both male and female.
Bryan is also discovering the benefits of a deeper connection, for him and for me. He tries every day to make eye contact, connect, hug and talk. He sees me as the soft, feminine Blue woman; the loving person that keeps our relationship together, strong and connected.
I want everyone to have the tools to make their own relationships thrive. If you want to get the full story on the 4 Colour Personality styles, keep reading and find out about Inner Design International's incredible Workshops that will transform your communication and give you a deep understanding of what the different personality styles value, what they need in their relationships, and how to collaborate together.
Tell me, do you know a couple like this?
He’s organized and punctual. She’s not.
She loves romance. He loves sex.
He loves to watch sports all weekend. She doesn’t.
Sometimes we just fall in love…without knowing if we are truly compatible
At Inner Design International we have the tools and knowledge to answer all these questions easily and with amazing accuracy. The True Colours Personality System is fun, easy to understand and apply and it works. I promise. YOU will never look at people the same way again.
Follow Inner Design International’s 5 steps to success below, and watch your relationships transform!
Register for the Keys to Personal Success Workshop
Complete your online personality assessment (included with your Workshop registration)
Know Yourself - Discover who you are at the deepest level.
Learn to Understand and accept others - What’s their greatest stressor? The thing that sets them off? What brings them joy? What is their greatest need? Can you fulfil it? Does it come naturally to you?
Be happy and confident knowing precisely who you are and who your partner is. Be true to yourself in your relationship. Never settle. You can accept each other as unique, wonderful, people. Perfect in every way. 😊😊
REGISTER TODAY!
Let your personality shine!
Best wishes on your unique and Colourful journey,
Karen
Owner & Lead Facilitator
Inner Design International
INNER DESIGN INTERNATIONAL
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